Poor Career Choices

By this, I don’t mean that I’m hoping to be go into something stupid, a profession that guarantees disrespect and ridicule. I don’t know, something silly like being a semi-professional uni-cyclist or a politician or something.

I mean that I want to be a writer which means that I am destined to be poor.

I don’t understand the stereotype of obnoxious twenty-somethings sitting in an overpriced artisan coffee shop ‘working on a screenplay’ on their MacBook. How? If I ever have the time to properly write something big like that, it will be on the same laptop I’ve had since I was fourteen, in my bedroom, at my parents’ house because there is no way that a young aspiring writer like my future self will be on artisan-coffee-shop money. Gregg’s money, sure. But even Costa’s pushing it.

I’m (hopefully) going to be starting university this September and uni fees are a lot. However, I’ve been reliably informed by our good friend UCAS that I don’t have to start paying my loan back until I earn over £21,000 a year.

Ha! In your face, world because I will never be earning that much. The starting wage for a trainee journalist can be as low as £12,000 so it looks like I’m all set. You can’t take my money, student loan people, because I won’t have any: sucks to be you coz I’m gonna be poor.

If you’re thinking I’m taking too positive of an approach to my certain descent into poverty, then you are correct. But if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry and I’m not sure if I will be able to afford tissues so I’m playing it safe.

It is a worry, though. Writing-based jobs are either low-paid or very unstable, like, in theory, I could write the best screenplay ever but, if no one produces it, it doesn’t really matter. Money’s all that matters in our society. *Angrily shakes fist in the air* damn you, capitalism, damn you to hell!


I’ve had years to come to terms with my inevitable cashless future and, to be honest, I’m alright with it. I’d rather be a penniless columnist at a local newspaper than a rich corporate executive because, if you have to get a job, which apparently is the done thing, surely firstly it should matter whether you enjoy what you’re doing and then the money should come second.

Now to try and round this up by making it relevant to someone who might read this: ok, um, follow your dreams and don’t settle for a job that doesn’t interest you. You can do this, hakuna matata, etc.

(End scene)



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